15 thoughts on “Reworked Beginning Teaser

  1. Aw I love this! It feels so real and genuine. And I love the non reaction to this \”Because I want to smell the ocean, down a mocktail and fall in love with the first guy I meet today.\”It sets up the feeling of 'adults don't listen' so well.


  2. nicely done! the scene you painted here is so real, and I find myself feeling for this character who just wants to get out but whose every attempt is thwarted


  3. I love how this line– Every time I try to run away, someone or the other brings me back home.– sets me up to think that the \”someone\” or \”something\” will be in her head– you know, like she just can't bear to leave _____. And then it turns out that people literally bring her home. Which is just such a fascinating character trait that I had to keep reading. Someone who has the guts to actually run away but somehow can't manage it? Love it.


  4. wow. wow wow. i love your style. your sentences are fluid — easy, not overwritten, not overworked. this is great, raw stuff. so honest but insouciant. i already love your MC and i don't even know why.i can't wait to see where this goes.best of luck!! i'm so sure you'll do well!!


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